Sympathy gifts for the loss of a loved one
The best sympathy gifts are either something the family can keep, or something that takes a job off their hands. A gift with the person who died in it, such as their photograph in a memorial lantern or a memory book about their life, lasts past the funeral. Practical help in the first weeks matters just as much.
Gifts they can keep
- A memorial lantern that holds a photograph of the person who died and lights it in the evening.
- A memory book the family fills in over time: the story of their life, the things they used to say, photographs, recordings of their voice.
- A framed photograph of them, especially one the family may not have, from your side of their life.
- A donation in their name to something they cared about, with a note saying so.
- A plant or tree for a garden, if the family would enjoy looking after it.
Help for the first weeks
The days after a death are full of arrangements, visitors and paperwork. A gift that removes one task is often the one people remember.
- A meal delivered on a set day, or a grocery delivery.
- An offer to do one specific thing: collect relatives from the airport, walk the dog, handle the school run on Tuesday.
- Help writing thank-you notes, or keeping a list of who sent what.
Name the thing and the day. “Let me know if you need anything” asks a tired person to think of a job for you.
What to write in the card
Keep it short. Say their name, and say one true thing.
I’m so sorry about David. I keep thinking about the way he laughed at his own jokes before he got to the end of them.
I didn’t get to meet your mom, but I know how much she meant to you. I’m thinking of you.
No need to reply to this. I just wanted you to know I’m here.
Avoid explaining the loss or looking for a bright side. Lines such as “everything happens for a reason” tend to land badly, however kindly they are meant.
When to send it
Straight away is right, and so is later. Cards and visits often thin out in the weeks after the funeral, which is when a parcel or a note can mean the most. Their birthday, the first anniversary of the death and the first holidays without them are also good times to send something, or simply to say their name.
A lantern, and a book to go with it
STILLWIND memorial lanterns hold a 4×6 photograph behind the glass, have a velvet-lined drawer for small things, and a flameless candle with a remote. They arrive gift-boxed with a sympathy card, so you can send one straight to the family through Amazon. Every lantern comes with the free Still With Me Starter Book. If a lantern is not right, the book can be given on its own for $39, paid once.
Questions
Is it okay to send a gift instead of flowers?
Yes. Many families receive more flowers than they have room for in the first week. A gift they can keep, or practical help, is often more welcome, and you can still send flowers to the service if the family has asked for them.
Is it too late to send a sympathy gift?
Almost never. A gift or a note weeks or months later tells the family the person is still remembered, at a time when most people have stopped mentioning them.
Should the gift be for one person or the whole family?
Address it to the person closest to you, and choose something the household can share: a lantern for the main room, a meal for everyone, or a memory book that the whole family can write in together.